Parents who are either on the brink of or who have resolved to divorce are in a heartbreakingly difficult situation. Not only is each parent suffering from the loss of a life built together and the person with whom it was built, but, mom and dad, you’re also probably worried about how your child(ren) will respond, and how this might affect their lives and relationships as they grow.
Everyone hurts when divorce happens.
But there are daily things that can be done to lessen the pain. First, parents, make sure that you attend to your sorrow. In my perspective, the best way to do this is by reaching out to, and connecting with, those who you believe can handle, and be present with, your pain. This may be a friend, parent, sibling, colleague, or anyone else (except for your children) who you trust. If you’re feeling isolated, contact a Therapist. Also, engage in those activities that soothe you, like playing with your dogs, taking a walk, keeping a gratitude journal, meditating, or golfing.
The reason for self-care is this: if you’re not okay, your kids will never be okay, either.
Often, when we are hurting, we become preoccupied by and engrossed in our feelings and thoughts, which may make us distracted or unusually irritable, signaling to our children that we are inaccessible to them. When our children experience us like this, they typically act out or self-destruct. So, after engaging in self-care, the second daily thing that you can do is check-in with your children. Be curious and interested, in the same way you hope your friends are with you. Do not assume or judge; rather, accept their perception as their reality, and their willingness to talk as their invitation for you to comfort them. If they choose to remain silent, don’t despair. Keep showing up.
If you find that you still need direction or are struggling with these suggestions, call me to begin your family therapy process. I’ll help you become the captain of your voyage.
